Resolutions Were Fun While They Lasted

The year started strong.

Members swore off indulgence. They counted calories. They skipped dessert. They refused cocktails. Some even spent time in the gym.

That was three weeks ago.

Now? The steakhouse is full again. The Velvet Taproom’s bourbon stock is running low. The salads have disappeared. Butter consumption has returned to normal levels.

The “Dry January” crowd held out as long as they could. Then one Old Fashioned led to another.

The fitness crowd?

• Early morning workouts were replaced with early morning Bloody Marys.
• Gym memberships remain untouched, as pristine as the day they were purchased.
• Someone attempted a Peloton ride. The bike is now a very expensive towel rack.

And those who swore to “take golf more seriously”?

• They watched a four-minute instructional video before switching to golf bloopers instead.
• The plan to practice putting every morning lasted two days.

Now, the excuses are made. The justifications are set. The dream is over.

There’s always next year.