“No Mow May” at Willow Dunes Sparks Member Uprising
Chip’s Eco Experiment Turns the Fairways Feral
In a move he called “progressive turf stewardship” and others are calling “the leafy descent into madness,” Director of Agronomy Chip Wexley boldly launched an initiative this May titled:
“No Mow May.”
The premise?
Let nature breathe.
Give pollinators room to roam. Let the rough be rougher.
The result?
An angry mob, 17 lost Pro V1s, and a full-scale member mutiny.
“It’s Not a Habitat—It’s a Hazard.”
By Day 6 of Chip’s ecological enlightenment, the rough between holes 3 and 5 resembled a savanna, with ankle-high grass and the faint rustle of what may have been wildlife (or a lost caddie).
“I went in to find my ball,” said member Winston Blakely III. “Fifteen minutes later, I came out with three ticks, a burr, and someone else's sand wedge. And I never found the ball.”
Multiple members reported their GPS watches failed to track them once they stepped into the second cut, prompting Sterling Whitmore to host an emergency seminar titled ‘Survival Situations: When the Fescue Fights Back.’
Member Feedback Rolls In
The member comments were swift and brutal:
- “If I wanted to golf in a field, I’d buy a tractor.”
- “I don’t even mow my own lawn. Why would I want to play in one?”
- “I had to use a 9-iron just to chop through the grass and walk forward.”
A spontaneous protest group calling itself “Mowers for Moderation” began leaving yard signs around the course that read:
“This Isn’t Scotland.”
Chip’s Response: Unapologetically Chip
When confronted at The Founders’ Range by Eleanor Van Pelt holding a visibly disheveled dress shoe, Chip responded:
“Pollinators are in decline. Besides, it’s not the grass—it’s the golfers.”
He then added,
“I lost my sandwich in that same rough and still managed to find it. What does that say?”
Resolution… For Now
By May 15th, pressure from the Greens Committee, an angry phone call from Lord Worthington, and one very public meltdown on hole 11 forced Chip to compromise.
Selective mowing has resumed.
The bees are safe. The wedges have been found. Golf, once again, is mostly playable.
Still, Chip insists he’s proud of the trial.
“If you never lose a ball, are you even connecting with the course?”
A statement that immediately earned him a sandwich thrown in his direction and a stern look from Beatrice Fairchild.
