Are Autonomous Mowers the Future or Just a Security Risk?

The latest controversy at Willow Dunes Country Club isn’t about greens speeds, dress codes, or the proper way to butter a scone at The Gilded Fork—it’s about robots.

Specifically, the autonomous mowers that have been quietly rolling across fairways, cutting pristine patterns into the turf… and making certain members very uneasy.

The biggest concern?

Are they really mowing? Or are they watching?

Chip Wexley’s Unfinished Business

Since Chip Wexley was promoted to Director of Agronomy, he has not yet secured his replacement as Golf Course Superintendent. This means he’s still overseeing daily course maintenance, a responsibility he has referred to—on multiple occasions—as “babysitting the minions.”

And Chip, despite being unshaven and perpetually annoyed, embraces technology when it makes his job easier.

“These things don’t complain about overtime. They don’t take coffee breaks. And they don’t ask for raises,” he grunted, watching the autonomous mowers glide across the 4th fairway.

For Chip, they’re the future. For the rest of the club?

Let’s just say not everyone shares his enthusiasm.

The Club Reacts

By day three, members were already forming factions regarding the silent, roaming machines now populating their sacred course:

• The Tech Enthusiasts: “This is great. Let’s automate the entire crew!”
• The Skeptics: “What if they run over a member’s foot?”
• The Conspiracy Theorists: “They’re watching us. Mark my words.”

One particularly outspoken gentleman was heard whispering to his foursome, "These things have cameras. How do we know Chip isn’t spying on us?"

Chip, overhearing the comment, took a long drag from his cigar, exhaled, and simply walked away.

The Future Is Unstoppable

Despite the growing paranoia, the autonomous mowers continue gliding across the fairways, quietly doing their job with more efficiency than half the maintenance staff.

The question remains:

Are they the future of golf course maintenance? Or a slow-moving, low-to-the-ground security threat?

Chip’s official stance?

"I don’t care what they think. They cut grass, and they don’t talk back. That’s good enough for me."

For those interested in the future of turf maintenance—or simply looking to spy on their own neighbors—autonomous mowers are now available for purchase HERE.